A Spud's Life
by themrpotatohead
Summary: Mr. Potatohead has just been fired from his job. He's got little ones to raise and a wife to take care of. His new occupation proves to be morally challenging but he has to do what he can to make money fast. He meets a cowboy who introduces him to a dangerous game. Will this new life provide his family with enough to start fresh, or will it simply leave him fried?
1. Prologue

I gave myself a once-over in the mirror before I decided that it was finally time. I gave an editor at the publishing house a blowie to get them to put my ad in the paper. Sure the newspaper was archaic, but at least some scuzz ball would glance over it, the title "HOT POTATO WAITING TO BE MASHED" would catch their eye and their greasy fingers would enter my number on their phone.

It wasn't my main cell phone number. I picked up a $10 phone at Wal*Mart and used it as sort of a business phone. My wife, she...God, I love my wife and if she ever knew that I had been fired from my job it would break her heart. We have seven little tots running around at home. Baked, Twice-Baked, Loaded, Fried, Scalloped, and Tater. They were my life and I had to remind myself: I was doing this for them.

 _Ring ring!_

I answered my phone, my business phone. An unknown called. "Hello?" I answered, and I could hear heavy breathing on the other side. The person took their sweet time answering me.

"Is this...The Hot Potato?" they said in a husky voice. I rolled my eyes. I knew that I would attract these types of people and I guess the best thing was to just grin and bear it. That would be my model for my new line of work. Grin...And bear it.

"Yes, this the Hot Potato. You looking to dig me up out of the ground?" I tried to sound as sexy as possible. I don't know if it worked, but this creep didn't seem to care.

"Oh yeah..." he went on, his voice gravely and disgusting. He coughed. "Can we meet up tonight? I need a quick fix. Looking to put my snake in your hole."

I cringed, but decided nonetheless that now I was too deep into this to back out.

"Where you lookin' to meet?" I tapped my phone, staring out the window of our cramped apartment. I hoped the money I would bring in could help us get a better house, one that the tots had room to grow and play in.

"Behind Pizza Planet...I'll be in a white Bronco, wearing a cowboy hat. Look for me, I'll be waiting. Hot...Potato..." He practically moaned the last part, and I felt a nervous sensation down my spinal cord.

I told my tots that I was going out for a bit, and for the oldest, Baked, to watch over the rest until their mom got home from work. I texted my wife and said I was going drinking with the guys, which wasn't unusual for me on a Friday Night.

As I buckled my seatbelt in my car, I brushed my moustache down with my hands, and sighed. Grin and bear it, I thought to myself. Grin and bear it.


	2. Chapter 1

"You Hot Potato?" the man asked. He was dressed in cowboy attire, a large plastic cowboy hat covering his shiny brown molded hair. He had a long face, and he was licking his lips as he looked me up and down.

"Yeah, I am." I tried to zone out and become a different person. I wasn't ready. Too late to turn back now, I supposed. I only hoped it would be enough to get Twice-Baked a present for her birthday.

"Alright. Here's $500 cash." He handed me a wad of twenties, and unzipped his pants. He pulled out a shiny plastic penis, erect by default. "You ready to open up?

I couldn't help myself. The sight of his member and the thought of it going into my mouth. I just couldn't stop. I had a thought, and I couldn't wait this opportunity on a simple blowjob.

"How about I do something else for you?" I winked, and the cowboy grinned knowingly.

"Oh yeah, good potato..." the cowboy moaned as I lowered my butt hatch over his penis. "That's the stuff. Mash that shit."

He mashed me for a good two hours. I lost my mustache at one point during the 69 session.

By the end of the night, I was pulling off every limb I had and disposing of cowboy spunk from all of my holes.

"How'd that shit feel?" he asked, lighting a cigarette. "You up for something more?"

I had begun my addiction and I could only think of what else this sultry cowboy had in store for me. I nodded, and rubbed my aching butt hatch.

"I'm gonna take you to a man we called Lightyear. He'll give you a buzz and then you'll be in a whole new set of unexplored territory. The pay is high, but his demands are tough. Think you can handle him?" He looked me dead in the eyes, and all I could do was smirk.

"Oh yeah. Give me Lightyear."


End file.
